Old School

As you know, I haven't been in school for quite some time. I only attended two days of school. I'm supposed to be stressing over college and stuff but instead I'm stressing over whether or not I'll be alive in a month's time. I will most likely not be returning for the rest of the year, but that doesn't mean that I don't have to do work. I've been tying to catch up on my own but it's so hard when I have no structure. I was once a disciplined student but nowadays I can barely concentrate. I'm unbelievably behind and I know most of that is my fault. Whenever I'm at the hospital I make sure that I meet with the tutor and do at least an hour worth of work. But when I'm home it's a different story. Anytime my mind even travels near the thought of picking up a pencil and doing work I start to think of school, then the friends I had at school and how I won't be returning and everything I'm missing and then I just can't concentrate. It's a vicious thing. I wouldn't be surprised if they held me back. I can understand if my teachers are disappointed in me. Hell, I know I'm disappointed in me. I've been slacking because I can't get over my situation, which really isn't an excuse I guess. I just wish I was the same student I was in the years before this. I hope this cancer bullshit doesn't hinder me academically anymore than it already has. It's bad enough I'll have to take a year or so off from school and my activities. So that means no college for me til I get the ok from the docs (which really irks me). My plans are to become a doctor and it's a long road in itself and I don't feel like being held back to make that process any longer than it has to be. To my mom it might seem like I don't care about my school work but I actually really do, it's really all I have to get into college since I don't play any sports or play an instrument. I know, I'm quite talentless :(

In other news:
The docs still haven't called so I have no idea on when I'm going back in.

I've continued reading Adrian Sudbury's blog, which is soooooo amazing. I'll blog about it more when I'm done reading it. But he's such a sweetheart. It's ashame that we lose people like that.

Anyway, I took some percocet just for the hell of it (I'm not a druggie, I'm not a druggie!) and It's almost kicking in. Don't worry, it won't become a habit. I still have at least half a bottle left and lotssss more morphine...that won't be touched...unless it absolutely needs to be.