Most of the time I've been thinking about how this whole thing has been hard on me, and I've left out the most important aspect of this. It not only effects me but my family. Not only did I not do anything to deserve this but neither did my family. I can tell every time my mom looks at me she treats it as the last time she'll ever see me alive. At the beginning of my treatment all I could think was that "I can't leave her." I really can't. My mom has lost too many people who were very close to her. I can tell my dad has been really trying to be there for me as awkward as it is sometimes. I would feel like a selfish ass if I were to go. I know I can't control it but I also can't help feeling that way. I feel like I've somewhat put a strain on my family and that's the last thing I'd ever want to do. The only good thing about me being the sick one is exactly that, it's me, not them.
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