I've only gone to school twice since it started and I highly doubt I'll be going back anytime soon. What's weird is the last time I had cancer it was my last year of elementary school. Hmmm... maybe I should try staying back? Good thing I didn't try any stupid shit during my five years and 11 months of remission (it WOULD have been six years on October 19th... but that dream is gone lol). I want to be nice and healthy for my chemo that I start in a few days :D
Anyway, hopefully I'm just as lucky as last time. I'm praying that( as soon as i typed "praying" one of the Chaplains walked in my room... i hope that's a good sign!) there will be no complications with the chemo and that i won't catch any horrible, untreatable infection once my counts drop. I have a really good oncologist so i'm not that worried. My chances of survival are better since I was in remission for so long too. Like i said before... lucky thing i didn't smoke and drink or any of that crazy stuff during my years of good health lol.
I haven't told a lot of my friends yet. I told my friends from camp first cause it's easier to tell them than my uhh... normal friends lol. I'll eventually get around to doing that. But how do you tell someone that type of stuff? Last time i just wrote a letter to my class... but it's not so simple this time. I feel like no one will care that much after awhile and that I'll be forgotten. I can hear the "oh my god's" of everyone already. Then by next month it will be "Alyssa who???.... OH YEAHHHH' It's funny how most people say "if you need anything just ask me!" Do they mean it or are they just bullshitting? Well... i need a new pair of earphones... nice ones, can you get that for me? And hmmm... maybe a cure for cancer... what about that? I really do appreciate support from my family and friends though.
It's weird being back in this position. I keep thinking it's a horrible dream, but then when they come to stick me with the IV needles and I realize how much it hurts and that it isn't a dream, it's life, unfortunately. I'm so used to giving speeches about how people should stay strong when they're faced with this type of shit so I guess i have to take my own advice... again.
