I can't sleep

It's one something in the morning and I really can't sleep. I was going to take some percocet just to take the edge off and to make me feel good. But I realized that's probably how addicts start and I have enough problems as it is, I don't need to add that to the list haha. I tried to sort out some of my clothes in my room but I QUICKLY got bored with that! :)

I don't know, my mind's on overdrive right now. I keep thinking about everything... like everything, it's ridiculous. Everything from when I was 11 and not really understanding anything, to back in August and September with the stupid doctors saying I was crazy, to all the painful, sleepless nights I had and to now, 18, still not understanding anything except that "this can make you better, but it can also kill you." And in the mist of all this ( I don't mean to sound cliche/"emo"/melancholia) I feel isolated and disconnect from most of my " friends." It's senior year so most of them are focused on college and that fun stuff so they've forgotten about me( expect for a few who I am forever thankful for). I know if one them were in my shoes I'd, hmm I don't know, call them?text them? once in awhile to make sure they're still alive. But whatever, it's not like I'll see most of them again. I wish there was a way that I could talk to someone who has actually been through this (specifically the BMT). There's this kid at the hospital I befriended who I would talk to but he's not doing too well right. I really want him to get better, it's been too long. I find that a lot of the doctors make good friends... a lot better than some of the ones I have now. Harsh? I know. But it's true, even though sometimes they're too busy to remember your name haha. I guess that's why I found it somewhat difficult to leave the hospital. After spending so much time there you get oddly accustomed to the routine, and as much as you're dying to go home, you're still nervous and unsure...well at least I was.
I guess I never really realized how emotionally taxing this shit could be. I tried not to give myself time to analyze things cause I've learned it just gets me into trouble. Now I just feel like a brat complaining. Anyway... new topic...

I'm listening to Gym Class Heroes right now (Kid Nothing By vs. Echo F), some of their old stuff. They're one of my favorite artists. Speaking of, I really hope they're at Bamboozle this year and hell, I hope I can go! I'm going to beg, beg, beg for VIP tickets, 'cause I don't feel like roughing it with the crowd this time! Haha. I know, I'm a punk. I'm still no more tired than when I began this post lol. Ahh where's my morphine when I need it.