It's only the third day and I find myself breaking down into tears already. Today was a drag in every scene of the word. I tried my best to live true live inside these hospital walls and "fight" against this thing because " I can beat it, I'm strong" which is what everyone keeps telling me. Well what is strength? Strong, like muscle? or high hopes? Because at this point I have none of those. I'm physically, emotionally, and academically drained of everything. Every time I look up at Samson (my IV pole) I just want to disconnect from it in a second and just run as far as I can. Not knowing, not caring that I have cancer. Forgetting I have cancer without consequence. But this awefull feeling in my stomach, weakness in my body and tears in my eyes remind me that running away isn't a choice right now, but it sure would be nice. I don't see how strong I can be when I break down crying at the end day 3 (day-6) and I still have a lot more to go. I guess strength is a day by day thing that I'm supposed to accumulate through every dose of chemo.
side note:
As I was crying in my mommy's arms she said to me "The first time around, you were the one keeping my hopes up. You were always smiling. Never sad and I thought if she's happy then I should be too. The only difference now is that you're older and you understand a lot more"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment